Happy Friday people!
Here is an EXCLUSIVE interview (in a sort of The SUN exclusive way I mean of course)
Managed to catch up with Xavi for a quick few words. Here is how it went.
ME: After the 5-0 v Real Madrid many conceded it was the best football Barca had ever played. Even Wayne Rooney stood up in his living room and applauded.
XAVI: Yes, it was breath taking to be involved in that game. I was a little sad that Cesc was not playing alongside me. Who is Wayne Rooney? (I explain who Rooney is) Oh, him! Ha ha, I love his work, especially when he shouts at the little donkey “Donkey! Shut UP!” ha ha, I love that part.
ME: What do you say to the notion that Spain national team is basically Barca lite? Is Spanish football in danger of losing its identity?
XAVI: Ah, this saddens me. I always feel that Spanish national team could benefit from allowing Messi into it. And perhaps changing name to Barcelona. I miss Cesc, did he ask about me?
ME: Some say that Spain were boring as they won 1-0 right up till the final for the most part of the world cup. What do you think?
XAVI: I think Cesc looks sexy in a Barca shirt. Did you see how he laid on the goal for us to win it? (Xavi purrs for a second or two) How can watching Cesc in shorts EVER be boring. Pah!
ME: The Barca youth academy has produced some great players for the current side. What is the secret to the method implemented?
XAVI: We learn to play as a unit for years & years before we play for the `A` team. (Xavi pauses for a moment and looks distant) I still recall his scent in the youth academy. I will NEVER forgive the manager at the time for letting Cesc leave. I still have his training socks. I like to sleep with them under my pillow.
ME: You’re talking about style over success, but not always do they go hand in hand, Arsenal play great football, but they’ve not won anything for years.
XAVI: Ah, Arsenal, they are like us, in many ways. But I see their weakness is that they have, erm how you say “class”. They seem to think playing well; not bullying teams for players, spending within your means will make them a better club. Ha ha, silly silly people. Can you ask Cesc to call me? (Xavi has a hint of desperation in his voice now..)
ME: That’s not what Arsenal fans want to hear and some have accused Barcelona players of stirring the shit. Especially that PR stunt with the Barca shirt at the world cup.
XAVI: Really? I mean, we all love Cesc and love to talk about when he is coming over to us. We like to ring the hacks and mention it as much as possible when time allows. Why do they find that annoying? They really must learn that `WE` are Barca, we are allowed to publicly court and tap up who we wish. It is an agreement with UEFA & FIFA. Read the rules, it’s in there somewhere. (Xavi reaches for FIFA rulebook with Cesc bookmarker, I tell him I’ll have a look online later)
ME: Finally, what was your reaction to being drawn against Arsenal in the next champions’ league round.
XAVI: (reaches for laptop and loads up a picture library of photo-shopped pictures of Cesc naked) I wanked, I wanked like a sex offender on death row. My cock was so red & sore after that two day session that I could not train for a week. I will be delighted to see Cesc at the game. Hopefully, I can steal his boxers shorts! Maybe even there might be a little erm, how you say jizz in them from him. Hmmm Cesc jizz! (He holds an imaginary pair of boxer shorts to his nose and inhales deeply..)
At this point I made my excuses and left him getting a hard on…
Well, that is all for today. Will blog again tomorrow.
Till then have a day!
Hilarious! They fuckin do my head in and and hardly seem to talk about anything else in the press. Good work!
Cheers fella.